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Was Kingdom of Heaven

 

I...am the Waffler. With my Griddle of Justice I bash the enemies in the head, or...I burn them like so: Ssssssss! I also have, uh, my truth syrup which, uh, is low-fat. And I've been working on a theme song, kind of a- Waffle Maaaaaan! I am the Waffler! Gold and crispy! Bad guys are hist'ry! Yow! Chiggachiggachigga...and I'm runnin'...y'know, just think about it... Do you have, uh, a health plan, by the way? Maybe dental? Eye?

 

Next.

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I never saw kingdom of heaven and had to google it, so I didn't answer, now I'm pissed... anger... rising... blood... boiling... Movie... is... Mystery Men! They should have made a sequel.

 

Anyway

 

You know what they say, behind every great black man...

Is the police?

No.

A bunch of slow, ineffectual white athletes?

No!

A cute butt?

NO!

Ah, probable cause.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dunno what that one was but it's funny so let us know.

 

You're too sweet for rock and roll.

 

Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! And you should know that about me...I am the enemy!

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Your quote's from Almost Famous; and guess what? "I met you. You are not cool." Rock on. :)

 

The one I gave was from Undercover Brother, a blacksploitation parody.

 

What happened?

What happened? Queen Gedren attacked us is what happened.

Gedren? Queen Gedren?

That's right. She knocked down half the city with her new weapon and demanded our surrender.

My army ran away. Do they want to live forever? I refused to surrender.

So she knocked down the other half.

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Red sonja by any chance?

 

I fucking hate this job man. We spend nine hours a day, five days a week incarcerated in this wanky fucking store, having to act like C-3PO to any wanker who wants to condescend to us. We have to brown nose the customers, then we get abused by some... mini fucking Hitler who just gives us stick all day.

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Cheater? Did I say what the title was? All I said was I gave up. I would have been in the wrong to have looked it up and then answered, but I didn't do that. You, on the other hand, could have waited for Silent Bob or someone else to answer it. Cheater? Hardly. I am deeply hurt by such false accusations... not really, but enjoy feigning indignation. :)

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What can I say, sometimes it's all just about pleasing the ladies. Still, bad sex is like bad pizza, any way you slice it, it's still pretty good. :)

 

As for your quote, did you know that when I was younger I use to play for the "Miami Dealers" in BASEketball. :)

 

Anyway, try this one, here's a hint, it's related:

 

Any last words?

Yes.

Oh well, make it quick.

Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.

Jolly good! Now let's get on with the hanging!

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Yep, but only it was called Cannibal! The Musical, must have changed the name when they released it where you are.

 

Your quote is from The Professional, or another title it goes by is LEON.

 

You better relax, Bob.

There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.

All right, let's go.

[smack]

The price is wrong, bitch!

[kick]

You like THAT old man? You want a piece of ME?

I don't want a PIECE of you, I want the whole THING!

[beatdown]

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Beware the Pirate Accountants, Yar! Sorry, it's from Monty Python's Meaning of Life.

 

This movie is not quite shit, but still mindless fun.

 

"I got tired of coming up with last minute desperate solutions to impossible problems created by other fucking people."

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The Big Sleep, by any chance....

 

"I bet she gives great helmet."

Well, I'm out for this round, but when I Googled that, it asked me did I mean "...he gives great helmet." Dirty Google.

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Oh, come on, that was an easy one. The helmet bit is from Spaceballs. "I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes!"

 

Name the movie this is from:

 

This never would have happened if your father was alive.

He's dead?

Yes.

And my mother?

She died of pneumonia while - oh, you were away!

My three brothers?

Died of the plague.

My dog Pongo?

Run over by a carriage.

My goldfish Goldie?

Eaten by the cat.

My cat?

Choked on the goldfish.

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"I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie."

The Mirror Crack'd

 

"What country are you from?"

 

"'What' ain't no country I heard of. Do they speak English in What?"

 

"Say 'what' again! SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN! I dare ya, I double-dare ya motherfucka! Say 'what' one more goddamn time!!!"

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Do you think I'm stupid?

 

I think you wouldn't know where to put your food if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes, I think you're stupid.

 

That's from "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", the actual quote is "I don't think you'd know where to put food at, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes I think you're stupid."

 

"But I thought--"

 

"Who told you to THINK?! I don't give you enough information to THINK!!! You do what you're told THAT'S what you do!"

 

"Yes sir."

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"But I thought--"

 

"Who told you to THINK?! I don't give you enough information to THINK!!! You do what you're told THAT'S what you do!"

 

"Yes sir."

 

Total Recall

 

Does this look familiar? Do you know what it is? Neither do I. I made it last night in my sleep. Apparently I used Gindrogac. Highly unstable.

...

I put at button on it. Yes. I wish to press it, but I'm not sure what will happen if I do.

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Titan AE

 

Hey Mister, is that your car?

 

What?

 

The cool Porsche. You keep staring at it.

 

Why don't you shoo.

 

I don't wanna shoo.

 

Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers?

 

She's over there and she says that I should talk to you.

 

She did?

 

Yeah. She wants to know what you're doing here. I think she thinks you're cute.

 

I don't know anything about that car. And I'm only interested in your mother if she lost 20 pounds and 30 years, so I'd really like it if you just got the fuck away from me, thank you very much.

 

Whatever.

 

Yeah. Whatever. Goodbye. Skadoodle.

 

See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

 

Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.

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