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Found this oline, thought arch might like it

Resume

 

GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington , DC 20520

 

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

 

LAW ENFORCEMENT

 

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

 

MILITARY

 

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam

 

COLLEGE

 

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

 

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

 

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

 

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas .

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

 

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union .

 

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America

 

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

 

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

 

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

 

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

 

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

 

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

 

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

 

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

 

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

 

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

 

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

 

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

 

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

 

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

 

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

 

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs in history.

 

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

 

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

 

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

 

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

 

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

 

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

 

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

 

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

 

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

 

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

 

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

 

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

 

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

 

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

 

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

 

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

 

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

 

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

 

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

 

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for publi c review. I am a member of the Republican Party.

 

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW

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Oh, I'm a tard. It wasn't the whole brow, just the outer half where the ring was. I DID reopen it with a kebab skewer though, which I wouldn't reccomend for a vadge, and no, I didn't even it up on the other side. Fuck that, I spent enough time laughing at alana when she had hers bleached(eyebrows that is, not pubes).

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I've been thinking about ASC's new agressive attitude on the board. I think it's a problem of outlets.

 

Anyone remember the timid, deferential ASC who showed up here a few months back and was polite and tried to play nice all the time? WHere'd he go? I think what happenned is that without his Blaze Byrne troll to vent his anger, ASC's complete self is coming to the fore.

 

Speaking of which, where'd all the damned trolls go?

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I've been thinking about ASC's new agressive attitude on the board. I think it's a problem of outlets.

 

Anyone remember the timid, deferential ASC who showed up here a few months back and was polite and tried to play nice all the time? WHere'd he go? I think what happenned is that without his Blaze Byrne troll to vent his anger, ASC's complete self is coming to the fore.

 

Speaking of which, where'd all the damned trolls go?

 

Jeez, I did'nt realise that I'd changed so much. It definately was'nt conscious. Your idea about Blaze is intriguing. But don't worry if she's needed again she will return.

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I pre-ordered the NIN - Year Zero album last night. I'm so fucking excitedddddd! This year is a great year for me. Tori Amos, Emigrate, NIN, Rasputina.... all releasing new albums in 2007! One month right after the other. Life is delicious.

 

I have 2 extra of Year Zero stickers that come with the pre-order that are up for grabs (my lithograph, however, is not up for grabs heh). I'm going to send one to Nick (if he likes?) anyhow, but that's not included in the two. Anyone interested? Leave me a comment/message, yo!

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Are you sick and tired of the fact that skeet lives in australia, and that you'll probably never meet him?

 

Well tire no longer, now with new ROBO SKEETER R

55225472112_0_ALB.jpg

 

 

Your very own ROBO SKEETER R does all the things a regular skeeter will and more.

But don't take our word for it, here's some satisfied customers

 

Mary Ramone,

Manhattan,

New York,

"Wow! I've never had an intellectual conversation with an australian before, and this was no different.

Thanks ROBO SKEETER R"

 

Arnold Fielding,

34 Abbey Road,

London,

"Oh my god , it's so got his mannerisms, i had an issue of New X-Men by Grant Morrison, and he took a shit on the pussy that is beast's head.Thanks "mate""

 

Norman Smith,

Castletroy,

Co. Limerick,

"..........."

 

Well thanks for that guys, don't forget to get your ROBO SKEETER R today,

Satisfaction is guaranteed*

*Satisfaction may not be guaranteed

(Yes i know i ripped, that off of Simpsons. **Wanna fight about it?)

 

(** Yes I know I ripped that off of Family Guy, so what wanna fight about it? )

Edited by alive she cried
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I never said ASC was a prick, Skeeter.

 

In fact, I FHD'd him for his new assertive ways. Nick gave him props for it too.

 

 

------------------------

 

And, Skeeter? you were NEVER sweet. When you came outta your momma, YOU slapped the DOCTOR.

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037583963101ss500sclzzzxn1.jpg

 

As a little-know provision of the Patriot Act renewal of 2006, clouds were deputized by state and federal law enforcement. Whereas flesh-and-bone cops are subject to conventional search-and-seizure regulations, clouds - as diaphanous globules of gaseous water - are not. Clouds possess the ability to enter any premises without warrant, because they are mist.

 

This has been a great boon to law enforcement. They can find that joint in your ashtray left over from the Christmas party where you invited your cousin. And then if you say you didn't even know it was there, they can get you for resisting arrest.

 

And the new clouds Force will finally enable the government to crack down on The Gays. In the past, sodomy laws were notoriously hard to enforce without photographic or, preferably, videotaped evidence (featuring multiple angles that you can toggle back and forth from with your remote control), because any Suspected Gay, when brought in to court, could always say they were "just kidding" about the Gay thing. But now that the very fog has been deputized, the Attorney General can finally take permanent steps to get The Gays off our streets.

 

Next stop, The Blacks, the Browns, the Yellows, people who vote for the Democrat Party and those other people who do that thing we don't like. Brought to you by the Justice Department, and the Cloud Police.

 

That could be the greatest thing I've read all day week month in a long fucking time.

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