Ganny McVagflaps Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Dear MGM please fix the audio mix on your (bare-bones) Uncut Straw Dogs DVD you bastards. You made the picture look all purdy like but the mix is ear-fuckingly bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Aaww... The Dinosaur circus left town. I like my avatar but inside Im crying. :'( Â Â Outside too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ganny McVagflaps Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Lookat the fuckin' Nza. Â I demand a new name too, damn it. If I can't be Testes McManballs I'm outta here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senshik Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 The NAZI!?!?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted April 14, 2007 Author Share Posted April 14, 2007 for the record, here's where the dinovatars lie. Â IR jontasaurus trisenatops unused jurrassic raptor skeeter 2track dr grant JP logo dino playing ball Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ganny McVagflaps Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 I just got in a conversation about Tennyson with the guy in 7-11. Welcome to Bizarro-Orlando. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted April 14, 2007 Author Share Posted April 14, 2007 I just need to slap "Hondo's Security: Your privacy is our prioirty" or some shit on this thing, and its ours. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ganny McVagflaps Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 A Series of Letters to the First Girl I Ever Fingered By Michael Ian Black   Dear Emily,  Hi! How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm the guy who fingered you at sleepaway camp.  Anyway, I was just thinking about that, so I thought I would write and see how everything turned out with you.  Your Friend (kind of),  Michael Ian Black   ======================================   Dear Emily,  After not getting a response, I have become very worried that my last letter somehow offended you. Confused, I reread what I wrote several times, and finally came to the conclusion that, if you were offended, it was probably the part about fingering you that did it.  If so, I am very sorry. Not about fingering you (which was great), but about referring to it so candidly after not communicating with you in over 20 years. So, I'm sorry. In the future, if I refer to fingering you at all, I will try to be a little more discreet.  Very Sorry,  Michael Ian Black   ======================================   Dear Emily,  Hi, it's me again (the guy who f-ed you). Still haven't heard back from you. Is everything okay between us?  Write Back,  Michael Ian Black  P.S. That's a rhyme - "Write Back/Michael Ian Black" LOL!  ======================================   Dear Emily,  Oh my God! I just realized that when I said I "f-ed you" in my last letter, that easily could be read as "fucked you." God forbid your husband or lover (lesbian?) should read that! If that person IS reading THIS letter, I did NOT fuck your wife/lover. I just fingered her. I was just trying to be discreet about referencing it, which is why I used the initial "f" for "fingering." Total brain fart!  Please tell Emily to write me back. Or Emily, if you are the one reading this, sorry about calling you a lesbian in the previous paragraph (unless you actually ARE a lesbian, in which case I am TOTALLY cool with that) Did my fingering you turn you gay? I hope not.  Sorry Again,  Michael Ian Black   ======================================   Dear Emily,  Still no word from you. I feel like maybe we got off on the wrong foot right from the get-go, and I'd like to try to make it up to you.  Let me start over, and if you still don't want to write back, I will definitely understand.  (Starting over):  Dear Emily,  Hi! How are you? This is Michael Ian Black. We went to camp together a long time ago. In fact, we kind of "dated" one summer. Pretty funny, huh? I don't know if you remember me or not, but I definitely remember you. In fact, I have many fond memories of walking around the lake with you, playing knock hockey with you in the canteen, and also finger popping you.  The truth is, you were the first girl I ever fingered, and I still think about it all the time. Please take that as the compliment that it is intended to be, and not as anything "weird" or "creepy."  (Believe me, I could easily see how receiving a letter from a 35-year-old man reminiscing about fingering a 13-year-old girl could be construed as inappropriate. It was DEFINITELY not intended that way)  Anyway, if you get a moment, I'd love to hear all about your life. Do you like dogs?  Your Friend,  Michael Ian Black   ======================================   Dear Emily,  It's starting to become clear to me that you have no intention of writing back. At first I thought it was because you were shy, and didn't know what to say in your letters, which is why I ended the last one with a question designed to being a dialogue ("Do you like dogs?").  However, now I'm beginning to think you just don't want to communicate. Maybe you told your husband that HE was the first guy who ever fingered you, and these letters are a painful reminder of the lie you are living.  If that's the case, I DEFINITELY understand. I was once in similar position with a girl who wanted to put something (a small jar of martini olives) up my ass. Of course, I told her she was the first. But believe me when I tell you, she was FAR from the first.  I lost touch with that girl a long time ago, but if she were to write to me today, I think I would at least have the courtesy to write her back.  I hope you die.  Michael Ian Black  P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted April 14, 2007 Author Share Posted April 14, 2007 Â you know, its hard to say which video i like more: the one where all nintendos morph into a wii or Do the Mario done in MS Paint, although the latter woudlve won hands-down if it was done in Mario Paint. I miss that game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 man... i miss the dino shit... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 yeah, DoJ just took an excellent quote from 25th hour...i wish more people woulda caught it.not that there's anything wrong with being a black panther. Â i think that archy was referring more so to the song lyrics i posted after that, which was a very anti whitey song by ras kass, the nature of the threat... either way... good to see One person picked up on the 25th hour quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 I knew the 25th hours quote*, but the ras kass one I looked up and i downloaded it. Â * Question: Is this a shot from The 25th Hour of of Nick and Senshik in Nick's apartment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 nick isnt enough of a sexy bastard to be ed norton sorry nick... but he is a sexy bastard  and what did you make of the ras kass track? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Truth be told, it's still downloading. I need something faster and more reliable than limewire and bitorrent... Â PS you've never seen nick in person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 im willing to bet i'd rather ed norton than nick  again, no offence nick... but ed norton is the shit... not saying you aren't, jaxo clearly sees something special in you, but for now, you're just slightly less hot than ed norton... now jax on the other hand.. rawr.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 * Question: Is this a shot from The 25th Hour of of Nick and Senshik in Nick's apartment? Â it can't be...i don't see any game consoles, let alone like 12 of them. also, the furniture is too nice and everything matches. no go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 im willing to bet i'd rather ed norton than nick I would too, but Norton's rich and I'm a gold digger. Norton goes MC Hammer broke, Nick comes out on top. Or bottom. Whichever he prefers. If I had to guess: bottom. Â Â That's what nick's apartment would look like if he made drug dealer money. Also, all the game consoles are off screen. What, are they supposed to be behind the couch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 if he had that much money, i'd imagine they'd actually be the couch. a couch made up of wii's and playstation 3's. maybe a few old school gameboys for throwpillows to mix up the new with the old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 sounds like the thing that'll keep guests from sleeping on the couch... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalHeart Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Who needs sleep when you have a game couch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 John Cleese Letter to America(Notice of Revocation of Independence) Â To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Â Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: Â 1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Â Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. Â 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. Â 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. Â 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Â 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. Â 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. Â 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. Â 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. Â 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. Â 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. Â 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. Â 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. Â 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it). Â 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Â 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Â 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Â Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day. Â John Cleese Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 if he had that much money, i'd imagine they'd actually be the couch. a couch made up of wii's and playstation 3's. maybe a few old school gameboys for throwpillows to mix up the new with the old. Â thump-thump-thump... Talk about the Dreamcast ottoman... Â And cradle the balls. thump-thump-thump... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 (edited) man... i miss the dino shit... Â fuckin' hell i never even noticed the change over Edited April 14, 2007 by alive she cried Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 nothin beats a nice curry and a few beers.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted April 15, 2007 Author Share Posted April 15, 2007 i was gonna argue that weve only 5 consoles hooked up right now, with a ps3 onna way but this game couch talk has me intrigued. Â PS ASC's Cleese rant was fun, i welcome our new overlords. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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