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Hondo's Bar

Blargh - The Random Thread


The NZA

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My sister used to live there and I made the mistake of sleeping over one night and some a-hole started blasting music at 2 something...we called the cops. Fucking Milton...

milton.gif

 

"I was told I could listen to my radio at a reasonable volume..."

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Survival of the fittest M&Ms

 

(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands)

 

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to

continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a

species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

 

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply

pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and

splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one

immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

 

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are

tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I

have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive

long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern

candy and snack-food world.

 

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is

misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost

invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare

occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the

species continues to adapt to its environment.

 

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the

strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat

this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it

to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ

17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use

this M&M for breeding purposes."

 

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon

for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this

"grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand

tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the

True Champion.

 

There can be only one.

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illuminati

 

God damn it, this is supposed to be an easy game that everyone can play. No words come to mind when I read that, just a faint buzzing noise through my head.

 

I think I need some brain sleep.

 

Night night Hondos.

 

-_-.zZ

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